Mom, but not in a conventional way

Mother’s Day is just around the corner.

I am not exactly sure what it means to be “mom.”

It is true that as a high school houseparent at St. Joseph’s Indian School, I do a lot of mom-like things.  I see the kids first thing when they get up, and I hear their prayers before they go to bed at night.  I know who won’t eat onions and who shouldn’t eat beans.  I cajole, correct, encourage, exhort, commend and sometimes nag.  I say stupid things like, “If your friends all jumped off a cliff…”  I sing the birthday song off key and with enthusiasm.  But I’m certainly not mom.  Not in a conventional way, anyway.

These precious Lakota children are entrusted to me by their families, and that is a big responsibility.

I find it impossible not to claim these kids, though.  When I’m sitting in the stands watching a basketball game, or the Fall play, or the Spring concert, I turn to the parent next to me and say, “Oh, which one is yours?  That one is mine!”   And if the kids at St. Joseph’s ever pulled shenanigans in public (which they never do of course) then I’d be there, saying, “Um, yeah.  That one is mine.”

And when it comes time to sit up all night with a child who has the flu and is crying for her real mom, well, she’s still mine.    Or when real mom dies and he doesn’t wear a jacket to the funeral, and I see he’s dancing around in the cold, then I worry and fuss.  Because he’s mine.   Or if she becomes a mom herself and wonders if I’m going to be there, well yes.  Still mine.

Come graduation day, I’m going to cry tears of joy, pride and sadness when “my kids” finish their time at St. Joseph’s and move on.  I will probably have to call my mom, who has been through all of this before.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there: real, step, honorary or otherwise.  Many thanks to the moms behind the moms, too—uncis, grandmas, aunties, sisters, and donors who support the children and staff at St. Joseph’s Indian School.  And a big thanks to my mom too.

Peace

Claire—high school houseparent

 

What is a Sacred Heart?

Last week was the birthday of Fr. Leo Dehon, the founder of the SCJ’s (Priests of the Sacred Heart).  This led to some discussions on campus about what it meant to be Dehonian.  I remember quizzing our St. Joseph’s kids about Fr. Dehon once.  What did they know?

Born in France!

Died in Belgium!

Had three doctorates!

Wore glasses!

While interesting, these bits of information weren’t terribly enlightening.  I had some time between picking up my runner from track practice and dropping off my baseball players at the field, so I thought I would do some research.

One really obvious fact:  Fr. Dehon did not have 10 teenage boys to contend with when he wanted a few minutes of quiet time.

I bet he never had to throw a wet sock off his desk as some giggling kid hit the floor behind the office door and whispered, “Don’t tell him I’m in here!”  All while some other kid is screaming down the hall, “Where’s Annnnndrew??”  and swinging the other wet sock with a vengeance.

My Dehonian moment was going to have to wait until after the kids had gone to bed.

In the meantime — there was dinner to eat and dishes to do.  This one had to go the tutor and that one had to find his Geography book.  The guys with privileges tried to run off all their excess energy at the Rec center and the ones who stayed back to do homework got hopped up on snacks and algebraic aggravation.  Home meeting became a debate over sharing time on the X Box and whether or not people should leave the room when they fart.

Prayer time was calmer, with intentions offered for family, friends, baseball, track, Sandy Hook and the new Pope.  And a special intention for the guy who was going to end up on the bottom of the…3..2..1…Dogpile.

I admit, I was not feeling very Dehonian at the end of the day. I was tired, cranky, and I had a pile of unfinished tasks.  I was not in a more saintly state of mind the next morning either.  When I finally plowed into Maija late in the afternoon, the only thing I had on my mind was making it to my day off and taking a long nap.  In her infinite wisdom, she said to me, “Get out of my office and don’t come back until you have your heart in your work again.”   Well, duh.

We work for the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Not the Sacred Rule Book of Jesus. Or the Sacred Schedule of Jesus.

We are called to be heart-centered.  To paraphrase the Tin Woodsman, “Hearts will never be practical, until they can be made unbreakable.”  There is something reckless and un-practical about being heart-centered.  This is different from being careless or thoughtless — Fr. Dehon was a learned man and he was neither impulsive nor fickle. Rather, he was doggedly persistent, even in the face of heartbreak. Kind of like someone else we know — and whose steps we are following this Holy Week.

A Sacred Heart space is expansive and inclusive and yes, somewhat foolish — letting in the lost, the weak, the so-called outsiders.

There is room for a kid who lost his mom and a kid who feels like he has to be the man of the house.  There’s room for honor-rollers and homework procrastinators. There’s room for wall punchers and cookie bakers, emo-kids and hip-hoppers.

As a matter of fact, there’s room in there for everyone, including a somewhat exasperated houseparent and her laundry list of seemingly “important” things to do.   If we all squish together, there’s space for you too.  Just leave the room if you fart.  ‘Cause that’s one rule we are going to keep.

– Peace   Claire N.

3…2…1…Dogpile!

 

Super Bowl Party!

San Francisco fans on the right, Baltimore fans on the left.

Ah yes.   Time for post-Super Bowl Monday Morning Quarterbacking.  What was done, what wasn’t done, what should have been done instead.  I’m not talking about the game of course.  I’m talking about the 5^th Annual High School Super Bowl party!  In the past, Anita from Sheehy home has done much of the organizing for the party.  When she suggested this as an activity for St. Joseph’s High School Student Leadership Group, they jumped at the chance.  We have planned several events this year and have learned some important lessons through trial and error.

This was going to be our Comeback Kid moment.

We were going to show the world how great we could be.

We’ve been working together long enough that we can play to each other’s strengths.  We coordinated a menu with contributions from each high school home.   Dawson loves to be helpful and is eager to jump in, but he often takes on too many tasks and can’t do it all.  He was allowed to take on two tasks.  He picked up the pop for Giles home and hand delivered invitations to the eighth grade homes, high school staff and homes.    Andrew knows that he gets busy, so he picked a task that he could do immediately and be done. He called up and secured a large-screen TV for the Raven’s room.   Erica is good at contacting people through e-mails, so she did some coordinating of donations.  Leahanna likes hands-on tasks, so she counted out the M&Ms for our guessing game.   Chris loves to orchestrate and organize.  He took care of designing and printing the invitations.  The kids helped me make a list of snacks and prizes that would not be “lame.”  Everyone agreed to stay and help clean up afterwards.

Come Sunday evening, we were ready.

Sort of.

All the assigned tasks were covered, except for decorating.  (Note to self: next year assign a set-up crew as well as a clean-up crew.)  We had plenty of food.  We had plenty of pop, water and Gatorade.  We had games for the non-football fans.  We had cool prizes. (Note to self: the punch balls were noisy and obnoxious, especially when the kids started bouncing them off of each other.  Get more next year.)

Patrick acted as referee, blowing his whistle whenever there was a touchdown, interception, field goal, etc., and drawing names for prizes.  (Note to self: get him a smaller whistle, or don’t let the teams make so many touchdowns.  Ouch!)  We had 40 students and 20 adults over the course of the evening.  This includes a dozen eighth graders who were getting a taste of life in the high school homes.  Everyone seemed to have a good time – 49ers fans being the exception, but that wasn’t the group’s fault.

The Raven’s fans at St. Joseph’s relax during halftime.

House parents did a lot of behind-the-scenes management, from cooking the taco meat and hot wings, to making the veggie trays, to securing coolers, and surreptitiously throwing cans into the recycling bin.  But at the end of the night, the kids made short work of taking trash out, sweeping floors and rearranging furniture.

One challenge our team faces this year as a group is commitment.  Sometimes members don’t attend meetings or don’t contribute.  Sometimes members agree to contribute with great enthusiasm, but time flies and agreements are forgotten.  Sometimes, opportunities to grow and serve just don’t take root at all – maybe because of apathy or maybe because some ideas just aren’t as brilliant in the cold light of day as they are on paper.

Some plans get supplanted by more attractive, immediate pleasures like Facebook, basketball games, and afternoon naps.   Some commitments get choked out by worries, fears, and problems. Who can think ahead when a loved one back home is ill or the news is full of stories about the end of the world?

Positive opportunities even compete with each other—school, jobs, sports, theater, college visits.  A person can get pretty overwhelmed!   But every so often, an idea takes root and grows.  A small, dedicated core group maintains their determination and focus.  They coax their peers into coming along.  Sometimes we end up with something unexpectedly special.

Go Ravens!

So this Monday, I can say that I am proud of my team and their performance.  They showed dedication and commitment.  They overcame a tough start, and finished the season on a high note.  Sometimes they made me kind of nervous, and I wondered if they were going to pull it off.  They hung in there!  And of course, they have an awesome fan base.  This team has dedicated supporters from all over the country.  We couldn’t have done this without them cheering us on and having faith in us.   Thank you, and thank God!

By the way, who won?  I didn’t really have a chance to watch the game….

Claire

 

Guest Blogger: Claire

Looking great girls! Juliana, Paite and Grace in their beautiful powwow regalia.

In honor of my Dad’s 70^th birthday (Sunday), I am dedicating three sets of regalia I have sewn for St. Joseph’s powwow.  I think this is a fitting tribute.  My Dad’s grandfather was born on the Yankton Indian reservation here in South Dakota, before moving to Michigan in the early 1900’s.

Grandpa kept his heritage a secret, probably because of the prejudices of that period. So many of the great things about my dad are things he learned from his grandpa, and these are things he passed on to my brothers—skills in carpentry, camping, fixing things and telling stories.  Sadly, Dad didn’t learn about his Nakota traditions growing up, so this wasn’t something he was able to share with us kids.  This makes me sad when I think about it.

Later in life, Dad started getting curious about his grandfather’s history, and started learning about Native American traditions and culture.  I think this influenced my decision to work at St. Joseph’s Indian School and to participate in the seventh grade Cultural Trip for the past two years.  I want today’s kids to know and be proud of their culture.

My family history is important to me.  My mother’s family has a proud tradition of sewing.  Busha (my great grandma) used to sew vestments for the parish priest, and I learned to sew on her treadle machine.  I feel closest to my mom and Grammy when I am sewing.  When I make regalia, I feel like I am honoring both of my great-grandmas — my Polish one and my Nakota one.

I am grateful to the donors and supporters of St. Joseph’s Indian School, who make things like powwow, our cultural trip and ceremony possible.  In this season of giving, sometimes the gift of memories and pride are the most lasting of all. Thanks again, Claire!

 

 

Guest Blogger: Claire

Ahhhh, Halloween.  It is a great day to flirt with the things that scare us the most, and poke a little fun at the dark side of life.  In other words, it’s just another typical day in St. Joseph’s High School Program.

I kicked off my Halloween season with parent teacher conferences at Chamberlain High School last Thursday.  I really did not need to be afraid.   I sat at a table marked “Giles Home” with a printout of my 10 students.   One by one, the CHS teachers came by to talk about students’ progress in their classes.  We keep close track of missing assignments and grades, so there weren’t any surprises.  I heard the usual feedback that students do well on daily work but struggle on tests.  The individual remarks were very heartening though.

“He’s a great kid.”

“He seems very interested in the subject.”

“He contributes a lot to discussions.”

“He has terrific penmanship.”

The Giles Home climbing Harney Peak.

The following day, the Giles Home departed on a long weekend home trip to Rapid City.  We started out by climbing Harney Peak, the highest point in the Black Hills.  In the snow.  Who’s afraid of a 6 hour hike in the snow, right?  Who’s afraid of not keeping up with 10 guys with boundless energy and the skill of mountain goats?  Who’s afraid of not making it back down before dark and having to use an iPhone for a flashlight?

Nay!

What we had to be afraid of was getting in their way at the chow line at Golden Corral afterwards.

The next day, we took them to Flags and Wheels, where they got to play go-karts, laser tag and bumper cars.  This would not be scary, except that houseparents Melissa, Aaron and I are veterans of the high school summer program.  We know that these guys are going to be in driver’s ed next year.   They demonstrated some serious demolition skills with those bumper cars.  Ruthless, I tell you!

Who thinks these boys are ready for drivers ed?!

And of course we had to go to a haunted house at the Rapid City fairgrounds.  Caden (Aaron and Melissa’s 8 year old son) set the tone by hugging the big scary monster that greeted us in the parking lot.

Aww, shucks, how scary could the Terror in the Dark house be?  Despite this rather benign first impression, two guys didn’t even make it past the second room before surrendering, “I’m out!!”  The rest of the rooms were a blur of blood-curdling shrieks, menacing monsters and guys clinging to each other for dear life.  I was NOT the only one screaming like a girl.  Yes, some days it is good to be terrorized by things that can’t actually hurt you.  Especially if you have good friends nearby to grab onto, and four reliable houseparents to make sure you get home safely.

Honestly, there are things that scare me a lot more than icy mountains, funhouse cars and latex monster masks.  Failing at things, for example.  I hate failing at things.  I go to insane lengths to make sure that projects and plans go off without a hitch.  So why am I so twitchy about Halloween this year?  Because I have handed the reins over to the high schoolers.

This is the first year of doing a high school Student Leaders Group.  As part of our mission to prepare the students for life after high school, we are turning over some tasks and responsibilities to the students themselves.  We have formed a leadership group with delegates from each of the homes.  I act as an advisor, but I’m not actually “in charge” of anything.  Right now, they are trying to pull off a Halloween party.

Leadership Group has had a rocky start.  The first activity they planned was a dodgeball game.  It did not happen.

The second task they chose was to write a persuasive letter to the HS director in order to change a rule that they didn’t like.  That took some coaching on my part.

“No, saying ‘the rule is stupid’ is not sufficient.”

One of the delegates turned in a thoughtful, clear and rational reason that the rule could be changed. Oh yeah!

No one else finished theirs though. Augh!

The last activity they planned, the Red Ribbon Relay Race (say that 10x fast!) was beset with commitment issues.  The leaders who came through worked very hard but ran into unforeseeable difficulties.  Can anyone really divide a bunch of half-frozen kids into small groups and convince them to run around in a circle?  Note to self: get a bigger megaphone.

It is the day of Halloween and we are still working on a plan for the party.  This is where that fear of failure raises its ugly head.  I have to resist the urge to take over and tell people what to do, or worse, do it myself.  Because the point of all of this is not to have an event go perfectly.  The purpose is for the students to make a plan, make adjustments, make concessions, make mistakes, make corrections and make the best of it.  My purpose is not to decide for them what is possible.  The purpose is for them to figure out what they are capable of doing.

We ended our planning session on a positive note.  Each delegate has a list of things s/he is responsible for.  They have a best-case plan and a back up plan in case that doesn’t work out.  A lot of this means them asking for what they want, and deciding what to do if they can’t have it. They have done an impressive job foreseeing obstacles and brainstorming solutions.

This means that they are moving away from accepting “No, that can’t be done,” and moving towards finding ways that it can be done.  Anyone who works with teens knows that this can be scary and exhilarating.

What if the kids start thinking for themselves and *gasp* start asking questions?  What kind of a monster have we awakened?!  Hopefully, some sort of quasi-adult, thoughtful monster.  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Claire, High School Houseparent

Happy Halloween!

 

Guest Blogger: Claire

Having fun in the sun!

The high school kids had a long Labor Day weekend, and all of the homes planned special trips for the occasion. The Giles Home (freshmen boys) decided that they wanted to camp out at the Lifelight concert in Sioux Falls.  Lifelight is a free Christian music festival that attracts over 300,000 people every year.  There are five stages, merchandise booths, concessions and all sorts of activities going on throughout the weekend.  Plus there is a large area set aside for people who want to tent camp.

Trips like these are one of the ways we can build Circle of Courage values (Independence, Mastery, Belonging and Generosity) while disguising it as “just having fun.”  It’s kind of like drowning broccoli in cheese sauce so that they don’t realize it’s good for them.

The Giles boys are good at Belonging.  They get along well together and look out for each other.  Unless of course, someone farts in the tent.  Then it is every man for himself.  They also warned each other not to trip over the … cord for the rain fly.  Usually after someone face planted on the ground, but still.

They are surprisingly Generous.  We saw a man holding a, “Will work for food” sign by the side of the road.  They gathered together some of their favorite snacks, and Isaiah hopped off the mini-bus to deliver them.  The boys’ favorite part was when I accidentally started the bus back up while Isaiah was changing seats, and he went bouncing down the aisle.  Oops.

Independence skills like checking in on time are very important, especially in a crowded, several-acre venue.  Most of the boys did a great job coming back to the campsite every hour and checking in with a houseparent before going back out to catch a show, play some hoops, listen to a band or check out the cute girls.  What, huh?  Flirting at a Christian festival?  Ohhhh yeah.  All those “Free Hug” signs are just irresistible.  Sadly, one boy did get “lost.”  Finding a missing kid among 100,000 visitors is quite a challenge.  After calling out a search party for him, we found him happily hanging out with another  SJIS home.  Phew!  Apparently, he had taken on more responsibility than he could manage, so his freedoms were curtailed for the evening.

They guys had lots of opportunities to demonstrate Mastery, from putting up/striking tents, to working the camping lanterns, to making s’mores on the camp stove.  We forgot sticks, but they came up with the brilliant idea of using a (clean) metal tent-peg.  Perfect!  Another  challenge for them was visiting the cathedral in Sioux Falls for Mass.  The impressive Romanesque architecture, incense, Latin inscriptions and chanted prayers are very different from the Mass for Children that they celebrate at Our Lady of the Sioux Chapel on St. Joseph’s campus.  They followed along pretty well, just like they would at home, only with a bit more looking around.

“This is cool.”

All around, it was a good Labor Day weekend.  It felt good to get back to the Giles Home and into the air conditioning.  And showers.  And real beds.  The boys are already talking about plans for our next home trip, which we will take next semester.  They are thinking skiing. (I might as well start practicing to use crutches now.)

Thank you again for your generosity, which makes trips like these possible.  I hope to see some of you at our powwow, which is coming up in a few weeks!

Claire

High School Houseparent

 

Guest Blogger: Claire

Hi again!  My name is Claire, and I am a houseparent in the high school program. I’m excited to be back, starting my fifth year here at St. Joseph’s Indian School. This week is all-staff orientation.  Those of us that have been gone part of the summer rejoin our hard-working year-round colleagues for a week of training, refreshers and refocusing.  This can be pretty exciting, especially when we all arrive in chapel on Monday morning and someone holds up a “free hugs” sign.  Woo hoo!

We usually start off with smudging—the Lakota tradition of burning sage—which is a symbolic cleansing of our minds, hearts and bodies with the smoke.  This sets a prayerful space and atmosphere for our work together in the upcoming year.

Our orientation theme this year was “Nourishing Mind, Body, Heart and Spirit.”

How cool is that?

After all, we are not just about teaching reading, writing and arithmetic.  Our goal is to prepare kids for life outside of St. Joseph’s, so they can be strengthened by relationships, faith, a sense of culture and history, and skills for living.  In order to do that, we have to bring our whole selves into the equation—which is why we start the year with prayer, sage, free hugs and even some darn good bread which the Pastoral Care staff handed out.

A lot of this week is about remembering our mission, and focusing on what we hope to accomplish in the upcoming year.  For us houseparents, one challenge is to bring the oyate values outlined in our Circle of Courage into our daily routines.  Those values are: Belonging, Independence, Mastery and Generosity.

We all agree that we do a great job at building a sense of belonging.  We are very good at building relationships with our kids, their families and with each other.  We are turning our attention to other areas where we are not so strong.  Sometimes, in our efforts to build relationships, we end up doing too much for our kids, to the detriment of their sense of mastery, independence and generosity.  We had some serious and thoughtful discussions on how and where we can work on these areas.

Not all of orientation is fun, I will admit.  Our newly hired staff have already completed a full week of training, and their heads are about to explode with facts, figures, rules and guidelines.

Veteran staff members groan a bit when we get to the part that we have heard every year.  Over and over and over.  For those of you who are uninitiated in the joys of orientation, let me sum up Day Two as briefly as possible:

  Rule #1:  Treat your co-workers with respect.  Play Nice.

Rule #2:  If you make a mess, please clean it up.

Rule #3:  If the mess involves blood or other body fluids, use gloves.

Rule #4:  If the mess is on fire, call 911.

Rule #5:  If you can’t seem to follow Rule #1, make SURE you follow Rules #2-5.

I think I can manage that!

Thank you for continuing to hold the kids and staff at St.  Joseph’s in your prayers as we kick off the 2012-2013 school year.  So far, we’re off to a good start.

 

 

 

 

Guest Blogger: Claire

The girls had a great time on their trip!

Hello again!  Only a few short weeks ago, I was writing about the upcoming Cultural Trip with the incoming eighth-grade girls.  I was very excited, because we had been planning for months, and I was eager to get on the road!

As the saying goes, if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.  The morning we left, we experienced a change in staff, kids, itinerary and vehicles.  Yikes!  We repacked our gear, reprinted our route, piled onto the mini-bus and headed out for a week of winging it.  This turned out to be a blessing.

Uncertainty is a great prioritizer.  Instead of focusing on where we were going to be and when, we shifted more towards how we were going to be and why.  Our first evening together, we did not do anything on our itinerary.  The world did not come to an end.

Instead of hurrying to get somewhere, we stopped to celebrate Cassidy’s birthday at the Golden Corral.  As luck would have it, Fr. Steve was able to join us.  Of course, we waited until he left the table to practice a Pinger Home birthday tradition: whipped cream in the face.  What, who, us?

We got to our campsite early, and spent the evening making prayer ties/prayer flags.  April guided the girls through the process, explaining the use of sage and tobacco and the connections between colors and directions.  Since Fr. Steve wasn’t able to join is for this, the girls decided they would each make him a prayer flag, that way he would have prayers for climbing Bear Butte too.  Praying together in this way built a sense of belonging, both to each other and to something bigger.  This was a very positive way to start of our journey together, talking about hopes and dreams, prayers and intentions.

“We made it to the top!”

Letting go of expectations and just being in the moment was an ongoing theme for the week.  The morning we met Fr. Steve at Bear Butte, it was so foggy that we actually drove past the mountain without seeing it.  The trails were wet and visibility was low, and we weren’t sure if we should attempt the climb in these conditions.

We just decided to carry our prayer ties and hike for however long we needed to.  Some of the girls got as far as the third switchback and had enough.  A few more kept on for quite a ways longer and then headed back as well.  Some girls just kept going.  A little further.  And then a little further.   Finally, we just committed to making it to the top.   There wasn’t much to see in the fog—no scenic overlooks, no way to trace the path ahead or behind.  What seemed disappointing at first turned out to be a gift. The fog actually made it easier to stay in the moment.  Having to focus on each step along the way meant not being distracted by what was “way over there.”   Not “having to” make it to the summit made it easier to enjoy the process of getting there.

We had similar experiences the following day at Mato Tipila, more commonly known as Devil’s Tower. The girls said “Let’s walk the long trail!”  (Is this ever a good idea?)   But it was sunny and bright, and it seemed like a lovely day to take the long road.  So off we went, pausing every so often to pose for pictures, pick sage or sniff the trees. (The pine trees smell like cinnamon rolls.  I kid you not.)

We had a beautiful day at Devil’s Tower.

After about two hours, I admit I started to get a bit nervous.  It was hot, we hadn’t seen any other hikers for quite some time, and it seemed like we were not anywhere close to being done.  Ellie and I had just crested ANOTHER long hill, when a soft breeze picked up.  Ellie looked at me and said, “I think Grandfather is looking out for us.”  A minute later, two hikers passed us going in the opposite direction and assured us cheerfully that we were “almost there.”  Bless you, Ellie.

Sometimes setbacks opened up into opportunities: our dinner plans with friends of April’s fell through.  Instead, we were invited to an inipi  – sweat lodge.  Three girls who were nervous about trying something new decided to take a leap of faith and take part in the ceremony.

Other times, opportunities for learning and sharing arose spontaneously. While out walking, several of the girls started to ask about Lakota/Dakota names for the animals.  They shared phrases that they had learned from their grandmothers, or asked April, “How do you say….”

While touring United Tribes Technical College, one girl said,

“I hadn’t even thought about college before, but I can really see myself going here.”

Although we had times of being prayerful and serious, we rarely missed an opportunity to get silly—lip-syncing at passing traffic on the bus, setting marshmallows on fire, falling down on the trails, incessantly shouting “Inkpaduta!!”  Inkpaduta is the name of one of the quarries at Pipestone National Monument.  It really caught on.

I asked the girls what their favorite moments on the trip were.  Several responses involved someone falling on their behinds while hiking – they are eighth graders, after all. Other girls mentioned that they liked having a chance to participate in ceremony (inipi, prayer ties, sacred pipe).  Others liked seeing new places, especially Devil’s Tower.

For me, I needed the reminder that it was ok to let go and trust.  I could have faith that God would guide April and I, and that everything would work out the way it needed to.  I also needed to be reminded that we weren’t going this alone, that we had support from staff, family, friends and donors.  I’m already planning on going again next year … knock on wood!

 

Guest blogger: Claire

Today is the day!  After months of preparation, it is finally time to leave for the cultural trip with the 7^th graders.  The boys and girls travel in separate groups, visiting significant cultural, spiritual and historical sites of the Lakota people.  I will be traveling with the girls, and we will be making a large loop through South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota and Minnesota.

The purpose of this trip is to introduce the students to places that are important to their Native American culture.  More than just reading about things in a book, they can experience the power of these places up close.   An important component of this trip is daily journaling, so they can record their feelings and impressions for later.  If there comes a time in their lives when they need spiritual strength, they will know some of the places and traditions that can sustain them.  And it’s not all just “serious stuff.”  We get to do goofy camping stuff too, like cook out, tell ghost stories and chuck rocks into the crick.  This is an amazing group of kids, and it is great to spend time with them.

We think Dan might resemble George Custer a bit!

My companions on this journey will be April, a counselor here and a Dakota elder, and Dan, a houseparent and forensic anthropologist.  We will be accompanying 6 teenage girls on a 7 day, thousand mile quasi-camping trip.  In a mini-bus.  For those of you already moaning in sympathy, it is ok. We are professionals.  We can handle this.  We will be mostly cabin camping, which removes the logistical nightmare of pitching tents in the dark, or in a flood plain, or other such creepy things, while still being close to the great outdoors.  (Let the boys sleep under the stars or pitch tents on the prairie, or whatever.)  We will be doing a lot of hiking.  Did I mention I used to be a Girl Scout?  That means I can use a compass.  Of course Dan has GPS on his phone, so that’s a moot point.

The trip covers a lot of territory, but I will share some of the highlights.  On Saturday we will be climbing Bear Butte in the Black Hills.  This is very sacred site for many Native American tribes, and is a place where people may go for a hanbleceya – vision quest.  April will teach the girls how to make prayer ties for the climb, and will carry a canupe - sacred pipe for a ceremony at the summit.  Fr. Steve will be joining us for this part of the trip, and will celebrate Mass with us when we get back to town.

We will visit another sacred site, Devil’s Tower, on our way to see the Little Bighorn Battlefield.  Dan has done some analysis of artifacts from this site, and has lots of “really cool stuff” to share. (Normally, if Dan has “cool stuff” to share, you better not be eating, but this will probably be an exception.)  Other sites along the way are: Painted Canyons of North Dakota, On-a-Slant Village, Fort Abraham Lincoln, Crazy Horse Memorial, and Pipestone National Monument.

This is a big undertaking, and an incredible opportunity for these kids. All you campers out there know what I mean.   I am so grateful to have the support of donors and benefactors so that we can make this happen. I am also thankful for all the prayers from friends and supporters for our safe travels.  Pilamaya!  Doksa!

Claire

Here’s a picture of last year’s group on the top of Bear Butte!

 

Who is easier, boys or girls?

Due to some staffing changes, last month I found myself moving from my comfortable world of teenage girldom, to that uncharted territory of testosterone known as the high school boys’ homes. I was a bit nervous at first.  I haven’t lived in a house full of teenage boys since I graduated from high school umpty-scrunch years ago.  My  hazy memories of life with 4 brothers included garage bands, broken bones, girls calling all hours of the day and night, and mechanical objects being taken apart and reassembled with varying degrees of success.  So when I stepped into Sheehy Home and saw the drum set, the crutches and partially disassembled remote control, at least it felt familiar if not entirely comfortable.

We were debating this in a staff meeting earlier this year.  Which group is easier:  high school girls or boys?  Hands down, people seem to think that girls are harder.  Sure, “boys will be boys,” meaning that they end up in the ER with freak accident injuries from jumping over couches or doing handstands.  Sure, boys leave towels all over the floor.  How do they use so many towels and why?  I don’t know.  But girls?   Girls are “emotional”.  No, girls have subtly nuanced levels of emotional upheaval that would be hard to plumb with a PhD, a compass and a troop of Avon representatives.  Or so I’m told.  But I sure do miss them.

So I’m off to a new adventure, one that, according to popular wisdom will be infinitely “easier” than the journey I have been on.  Right now,  I can rely on the wise counsel of people who have already established relationships with the boys.  Or I can even ask what would Jesus do in this situation.  Not that he ever had 18 teenage boys to take care of.  But he must have had some dealings with adolescents because he made a whole sermon about them:  blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall take the middle seat and save all of the rest of mankind from the wrath of the driver; blessed are those who hunger for justice, for they will make sure that you enforce the rules fairly or at least see to it that you know when you’re being unjust; blessed are those who mourn, especially those who have to mourn too soon and too often and too much, because they will change your life and make you rethink  your priorities.

In writing this out, I  concluded that I have been looking at this move from the wrong angle.  The question really isn’t “Who is easier?” but “What do I have to offer, and what gets in the way?”  One stumbling block is having dumb ideas about what boys are like or girls are like,

“I can’t work with boys!  I’m too girly!  I am not good with power tools!  I can’t talk about sports or hunting!  It’s a disaster!”

Another obstacle is knowing that these boys need more than just what I have to offer, and thinking somehow I need to solve that.  That’s a mistake I think a lot of us make: thinking our small part isn’t enough and the little that we can do doesn’t matter.  Really, what is needed  for a whole lot of little somethings to come together.

So, what does a middle-aged white woman have to offer a bunch of teenage Lakota guys?  What does anyone have to offer another?   When in doubt, go back to the basics: Show up.  Pay attention.  Give a hoot.  Keep showing up. Make sure the same person keeps showing up each time, and not some façade constructed to make sure we all get along.  Occasionally bake brownies.

I genuinely like these kids, so showing up and caring isn’t all that hard.  (The boys think I’m a little weird, but they’re also pretty forgiving. )  As for all their other supporters near and far, families, role models, teachers, elders, mentors, and caring friends like you—just keep doing your part. Tune in, show up, take interest, give a hoot and keep us in your prayers.  Now wasn’t that easy?